'Forgiveness' by Rossie Henderson-Begg, 12 May 2024

Why is forgiveness so important? Rossie Henderson-Begg looks at what Jesus said and showed about this, and considers what happens when we can, or can’t, find forgiveness ourselves. Can our ability and choice to forgive have a profound effect on us, as well as people we know?

Transcript

Hi everyone,

So I have had an interesting week preparing for today. I wanted to share with you about this amazing book I have been reading, but as I finished it and began to think about how to start my talk, God said He wanted me to speak about something completely different – so here we are!

And what I would like to talk about this morning is – forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a very big topic and there’s no way I can cover all aspects of it today. Forgiveness can be very difficult and very painful, and seem near impossible for some relationships and situations, especially when our culture seems to have this tension between complete tolerance and ‘cancelling’ or ‘ghosting’ people. I sometimes think of it as ‘Timon’ culture (‘When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world’) but that could be because I have small kids and Disney is a big part of my life! But God’s perspective isn’t like this!

So let’s dive in!

We all like to be forgiven, to have it released to us, and I think one of the reasons I think we are drawn to Jesus is His promise of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift. It’s also a process.

In Matthew 18 Peter asks Jesus how many times we should forgive, he asks- as many as 7 times?’, and Jesus answers 70 x 7.

Matthew 18: 21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”

What is Jesus saying in this? Forgive 1 offence 490 times, or that person, then after that we can harbour unforgiveness? Nope!

He’s telling us we need to forgive and forgive until we have forgiven. This can be easy, or it can be the hardest thing in the world. This is when it becomes an act of obedience, of trusting in God, a spiritual discipline. We may need to place our unforgiveness before Jesus time and time again until we see our hearts release the forgiveness that is needed. This is a command, not an idea.

Sometimes we don’t realise that both positive and negative emotions and thoughts can actually be choice – we can choose to love our spouse because we are committed, we can choose to change our character and let the Lord develop who we are, we can choose to be obedient to Jesus and His teachings even when it’s hard (or we don’t want to!), we can choose to forgive. We need to actively learn to let our will and the Lord’s Spirit lead us, not our emotions. We need to choose to forgive. No one ever said following Jesus was easy, but it is life giving and it is best and ultimately it is what we are designed for.

A very challenging and not always focused on part of forgiveness is that we need to forgive so we can be forgiven, this is clearly stated in the Lord’s prayer (‘forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us’). Nowhere in the Bible does it say God forgives an unrepenting heart. An unforgiving heart is an unforgiven heart. We are holding ourselves back from being forgiven if we don’t forgive.

Matt 18 v 23-35 23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[h] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[i] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Ouch! It’s not just a nice idea to forgive, it’s not even just a good thing to do. Here I believe Jesus is saying that He has seen all of our brokenness, weaknesses, horrible, awful things we think, do, say, or neglect to think, do or say, yet He has chosen to wipe our slate clean – and in turn we need to forgive those who offend and hurt us. Can we expect God to forgive us when we don’t forgive others?

It can be easy to forgive, especially when the person realises what they have done and how they have hurt you, acknowledges and says sorry, but what about someone who tramples all over you and doesn’t realise, or they don’t care? Nana. It needs to be a choice – sometimes its actually more comfortable to sit in unforgiveness, especially when the person may be a repeat offender. It’s a massive challenge to choose to forgive when it feels so much easier not to.

Forgiving is our responsibility. If we choose not to forgive we are doing no better than the person who offended us. Unforgiveness can be like a rope around us, tying us up when we want the other person to be constricted. Or like poison we drink because we want the other person to suffer. Unforgiveness doesn’t give us anything, even if it feels good. We’re hurting ourselves rather than the other person if we think they don’t deserve our forgiveness – they may not deserve it, but maybe we deserve not to have the hurtful things others do bind us, perhaps we need to be free of it. Why else would Jesus be so strong on this?

John 10v10 says that 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

I think this is a good point to pause and say Jesus is crazy about you. He cares what happens to you, He cares what you’re going through, and He cares what holds us back from truly living the full life He wants for us. So many things in life will take from us – the devil, others, circumstances, even ourselves. We’re not in the new earth or Heaven yet, awful things happen, but in this life where we are right now, Jesus wants to bring as much of His love, kingdom and freedom to us as is possible. And forgiveness, both receiving it and giving it, is a big part of this.

We need to realise our need for forgiveness. From God and others. I don’t want any one of us to be rejected and remain unforgiven by God because we have unforgiveness in our heart toward someone else. (Noel, Rwanda) And because it’s a commandment, because God has made relationships with this element needing to be included, one of the astonishing things about forgiveness is how healing it is.

Mark 2 v 1-12: 2 When Jesus returned to Capernaum several days later, the news spread quickly that he was back home. 2 Soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there was no more room, even outside the door. While he was preaching God’s word to them, 3 four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. 4 They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. 5 Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “My child, your sins are forgiven.”

6 But some of the teachers of religious law who were sitting there thought to themselves, 7 “What is he saying? This is blasphemy! Only God can forgive sins!”

8 Jesus knew immediately what they were thinking, so he asked

them, “Why do you question this in your hearts? 9 Is it easier to say to the paralyzed man ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk’? 10 So I will prove to you that the Son of Man[a] has the authority on earth to forgive sins.” Then Jesus turned to the paralyzed man and

said, 11 “Stand up, pick up your mat, and go home!”

12 And the man jumped up, grabbed his mat, and walked out through the stunned onlookers. They were all amazed and praised God, exclaiming, “We’ve never seen anything like this before!”

With God it is all about the heart. With this story God is saying that there is nothing more important than having a right relationship with Him, that it is more important to been forgiven by God than to be able bodied. Jesus saw the heart of the paralysed man and forgave his sins. Even though the different people were confused for different reasons. If the man had only been physically healed his heart still wouldn’t have been right. We desperately need to realise our need for forgiveness, and also how not forgiving others holds us back.

In this story Jesus healed the man physically to prove He is who He says He is, and that He has the authority to forgive sins! The physical healing was also important, but secondary. (God does care about our physical bodies, but they are secondary to our spirits. Can’t take your physical body to heaven with you but your spirit is eternal).

If you’re finding it hard to release forgiveness, please don’t be alone. Speak to someone, ask for prayer, I have found that listening to worship music can really help. And speak directly to God. I have found one amazing gift of prayer is the ability to see things from God’s perspective. Prayer really does help, even if you start off in tears or through gritted teeth. God’s perspective is vital for us to live our lives the way He intends, the way He has designed to be best for us.

Forgiveness can sometimes seem so impossible when we see what people have done from our own perspective. Think of Mount Everest. If you stand at the bottom of the mountain and look up at it, it looks insurmountable. But if you were to fly over it in a plane, you could look down on it and almost feel ‘oh, it looks quite small from up here’. It’s all about perspective, and we need God’s heavenly perspective to be able to defeat some huge mountains in our lives, and this includes the ability to forgive certain things.

Yes, sometimes this can take a lot of time, I’m not trying to belittle anything and say it happens immediately just by willing it. God is not a genie in a lamp to grant a wish of healing or forgiveness! He wants to help us through the whole process, to hold our hand as we chug along choosing to forgive and be healed, until we discover we have forgiven and are free.

As I mentioned with my friend from Rwanda, it may be that part of our forgiveness journey is to reconcile with those who have hurt us. I would urge us to pray and ask the Lord if and how He wants you to do this in each situation. Sometimes it may be the best thing, but I understand it could not be. And forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean that it is wisdom to let them back into your life again.

I think things like forgiveness and bitterness can almost manifest physically in our bodies, as well as build up barriers against others and God. And I know Jesus wants us to have nothing holding us back from being close to Him, and living the fullest and most fulfilled lives we can. He wants each of us to not be held back or even just do what we see around us because it feels easier, but be people who are whole, healed, and who radically love others.

I want to finish with one of my favourite passages of scripture, from Romans 12 v1-2:

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. 2 Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.